It's been a while...

It's not a very creative title but there you go...

I just tracked down this little place and had a read of my last post.

Two years old...and it's funny considering the position I'm in now because at that time, it wasn't long until my then boyfriend and I were about to split up.

I can't remember who follows me on this but some people know that I got back with him fairly recently (about two months ago or something). If you didn't know, I'm sorry for not telling you if you're offended.

Anyway...I got back with him, knowing that he was eventually moving to Australia for at max (though maybe more "at least") a year. Today is the day that he went. 

This feeling is not pleasant, I expect it might get worse but for now it's just...dark. Like a shadow cast over a period of my future...it's central, and sucks my energy. I haven't cried sober yet (haha), but only when I was at his leaving party and very slightly drunk.

Until that moment, the time I spent with him was just ours in those two months, and I think I'll always look back on it in a melancholic and bittersweet way for as long as he's gone.

I don't know how he feels, he's not as open as I am and I have to respect that. He's gone because he wants to find himself in an environment that he's fallen in love with. I'm selfish in wanting him back but I want him to find what he's looking for and to find what he has set out to achieve.

Do I love him? I have always told myself that if you have to ask, then you probably don't. I think I'm on the road though...it's just a shame that for now we can't really walk along it together.